my new year's resolution is not to make any new year's resolutions so I don't hate myself
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 1, 2013
kittens need someone to play with so they can grow into healthy cats. which means somewhere, there exists a KITTEN PLAYING JOB
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 2, 2013
every time I talk to my parents I get a height update on all my childhood friends
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 4, 2013
the leacock building is like a prison/butchering plant
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 14, 2013
guys what if the reason taylor swift is always having relationship problems is because she hasn't dated me yet?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 20, 2013
if your favorite powerpuff girl was buttercup, then you're probably a lesbian
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 20, 2013
my life's ambition is to be the male version of lena dunham, so I can constantly show my dick to everyone on TV
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 21, 2013
Eminem is the Sylvia Plath of rap
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 31, 2013
I can't remember the fare of the 69k anymore 🙁
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 1, 2013
the gun obama is holding is a SMOKING GUN
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 3, 2013
Chris Brown is probably surprised that he lost to Frank Ocean because he is used to beating people
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 11, 2013
if anne hathaway and julia roberts started making out, they would accidentally swallow the earth
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 14, 2013
I find well-intentioned old racists who don't know any better very endearing
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 21, 2013
the greatest feeling in the world is when you discover the last 30 pages of your class reading is just graphs
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 22, 2013
anne hath away best supporting actress. I am not a proud man.
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 25, 2013
I would pay to watch Anne Hathaway's nipple battle Angelina Jolie's right leg to the death
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) February 25, 2013
leading cause of faux pas is silent letters
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 1, 2013
as a history major, Leslie Knope is my spirit animal
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 9, 2013
if I knew anything about the OJ trial, I'm sure I would make a very funny comparison to the Pistorius trial
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 11, 2013
it's really awkward walking up stairs behind a girl in yoga pants
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 11, 2013
cats are pointless
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 12, 2013
if I never eat food again, I'll never get food poisoning again
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 19, 2013
you can shift + enter
for line break in twitter now?
time for haiku tweets— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 20, 2013
five seven and five
stop counting the syllables
(you have OCD)— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 20, 2013
YOLO just reminds me of how fragile my mortality is and that I should really think about my safety
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 22, 2013
I imagine being able to play the piano is like touch typing on ecstacy
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 24, 2013
every time I hear a Nujabes song, a single, beautiful tear rolls down my eye in memoriam
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 24, 2013
MF Doom is basically a hip hop James Joyce
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 24, 2013
my major would make a lot more sense if "literature analyzer" was a job
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 24, 2013
I'd watch a talk show hosted by Michelle Obama, Kate Middleton and Peng Liyuan
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 25, 2013
flowering trees must be the cool kids in the plant world
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 26, 2013
does purple drank taste good?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 26, 2013
"moist quim" is the worst combination of words in the English language
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 27, 2013
about half of my revenge fantasies are negative McGill course evaluations
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 27, 2013
Mr Sy's Chicken a la King was basically my Sha Tin College experience
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 29, 2013
whoever killed Hitler must have been a pretty good guy
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) March 31, 2013
I like to go super overboard with my praise for my profs and TAs in my course evaluations
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 2, 2013
"incredibly insightful prof with a commanding voice like the crash of rolling ocean waves"
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 2, 2013
the only thing worse than waiting to give your presentation is waiting to give your terrible presentation
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 3, 2013
okay, "lovers" is such a beautiful word
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 5, 2013
high treason sounds like the coolest crime
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 7, 2013
you know, I'm really glad there's a Chinese Disney Princess
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 7, 2013
thanks, but when I search for "Russian Red", I'm looking for the folk singer, not "[RUSSIAN.ANAL.PORN] Red.Lines.Two.Holes.Full.1"
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 13, 2013
bags of milk have really grown on me
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 15, 2013
"fatherfucker" just has that fricative edge on "motherfucker"
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 16, 2013
so Red Bull vitalizes the body and mind, but what about MY SOUL
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 18, 2013
ground-floor dilemmas: I want to open my curtains but I don't want to put on my pants
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) April 24, 2013
being the only intern is the loneliest thing in the world
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) May 6, 2013
if SUBTRKT and STRFKR joined forces they would rule the world as the unstoppable SSUTBRFTRKKRT
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) May 9, 2013
mother day problems: what do you get the woman who already has the gift of the perfect son?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) May 11, 2013
I can't help but feel flattered when someone calls me a "leng zai"
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) May 15, 2013
nothing like the online human connection of finding a single torrent with a single seeder
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) May 19, 2013
do white supremacists get Martin Luther King day off?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) June 10, 2013
omg hot girl on the MTR drinking vitasoy you are my soul mate
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) June 17, 2013
I wonder how many tourists who visit Rome use a "When in Rome" joke
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) June 17, 2013
Pitchfork gives North West a 9.4
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) June 21, 2013
what I want more than anything is for Michelle Obama to release the most hood and gangster trap album ever
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) August 15, 2013
a group of pugs is called a grumble and your day is now 50% better
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) August 16, 2013
I always have to try extra hard not to think about bombs at the airport just in case thoughtcrime is a thing
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) August 28, 2013
what do the paparazzi do if a celebrity has epilepsy?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) August 31, 2013
Mandy Moore as Cassandra from High School USA is my dream girl: she's Mandy Moore and she's Chinese
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 2, 2013
what to do if the top Google results are "Drink up! Montreal tap water safe to drink again" and "Water in most of Montreal unsafe to drink"
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 2, 2013
the worst part of people watching is when they watch back
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 3, 2013
I totally wish I had a quinceañera
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 10, 2013
if no-one has retweeted me in a few days, I fall into a deep existential crisis
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 12, 2013
it's a sad day when you realize you'd rather eat straight out of the cooking pot than wash another bowl
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 13, 2013
the reason MySpace was never in the NSA scandal is because no-one uses MySpace
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 14, 2013
is Yuri Gagarin more famous than Neil Armstrong in Europe?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 15, 2013
if you tell future generations of Sha Tin College that you used to belong to the house "Drake", will they think it's named after the rapper?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 17, 2013
I wonder if the James Joyce of our generation has a twitter just brimming with inappropriateness that will forever be archived
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 17, 2013
I love how all Swedish people love Pippi Longstocking
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 19, 2013
if I was stuck on a desert island, there's a 50% chance that my smoke rings will say OSO
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 23, 2013
how crazy is it that Kanye's anger is directly being sent to his 10 million followers like he's some kind of vengeful god bringing the flood
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 27, 2013
baby carrots are like the first world luxuries of the modern kitchen
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 28, 2013
goodbye Walter White, you were the meth-making crime genius father I never had
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) September 30, 2013
english lit essay confessions: I just analyze whichever poem is the shortest
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) October 8, 2013
nothing quite as satisfying as stumbling upon a sentence on a wikipedia article that you added
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) October 14, 2013
I'm glad we live in a world where there's so many Japanese cat and dog pet videos on YouTube
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) October 14, 2013
you know it's midterm season when you always have an open textbook on your desk
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) October 14, 2013
every time I use chopsticks, I feel a surge of my culture
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) October 19, 2013
the instructions for one of my midterms were to "write legibly" looks like I'm going to fail this class
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) October 21, 2013
tangerines are like healthy starbursts
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) October 26, 2013
Pippi Longstocking releases a sex tape and I can just hear Sweden collectively weeping
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 1, 2013
why am I subscribed to so many make-up tutorial channels on youtube what is my life
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 3, 2013
I just want to date a Disney princess is that too much to ask
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 13, 2013
DOLPHINS ARE THE PERVERTS OF THE SEA
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 15, 2013
icelandic people sound like adorable little kids when they speak english
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 19, 2013
there should be a hood version of CampuSPOT called Campu$POT
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 19, 2013
tangerines are like starbursts, except healthy and tasty
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 23, 2013
I think the saddest thing I've ever googled is "can single men adopt babies"
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 24, 2013
I feel burned out from writing finals essays exactly like a homicide detective who has been on the job for twenty five years
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 28, 2013
I sure hope the english literature factory has job openings!
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) November 30, 2013
I wish my life was more interesting so I could write about it in my blog
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) December 1, 2013
the reason I don't proofread my essays in exams is because I can't read my own handwriting
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) December 5, 2013
the little kids playing with the snow in the primary school yard are sooooooo cute omg I want to kidnap a few
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) December 9, 2013
the supervisor for Choi Hung station is probably like the cool kid for the MTR
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) December 18, 2013
do blind girls put on make-up?
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) December 19, 2013
Kanye's unproduced sitcom is up there with the destruction of the Library of Alexandria in terms of loss to humanity
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) December 21, 2013
it's a white Christmas! and by that I mean I'm in Canada surrounded by white people
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) December 25, 2013
"this is gonna be my year" – me, every year
— Christopher Wang (@christoper) January 1, 2014
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