What cooking utensil do you use the most?
If you say scissors, so you can open your KD packet, then you should stab yourself. But you probably can’t, because your scissors are dull and so are you. No, the only correct answer is the knife.
I love watching food programs. Everything from Hell’s Kitchen to Yan Can Cook, if I have spare time (and even if I don’t), I’ll be watching. For those of you with a social life, you might be unfamiliar with some of the finer aspects of modern food television. It cuts across every genre and every demographic. Gone are the days of mere instructional cooking shows or food documentaries – now, you have epic odysseys spanning several continents to find the best french fry, or some surreal dystopian competition where contestants use molecular science to cook to the death for our entertainment.
As food television becomes progressively stranger, I’ve noticed something interesting: cooking programs are pornography. I’m not exaggerating. I’m not saying, “Oh man, the Food Network is like porn,” in a joking way; I’m saying “The Food Network is porn,” in a dead serious way. Sure, one features naked people and the other features food, but at their core, they are the same.
How many hair products do you use? Shampoo, conditioner, gel, mousse, wax, hairspray? It might take ages, and cost a fair chunk, but the end look is worth it, right? Your hair is shiny and light. It looks like there is a perpetual wind flowing your long tresses back. When you step out of the shower, it is a Dove commercial.
But what did cavemen use before Dove Damage Therapy Daily Moisture? Did they just walk around with greasy scalps and dirty locks as they hunted dinosaurs? For that matter, what did people in the past century use? Modern shampooing only emerged in the 1930s.
Let’s talk about ironing.
“Ironing?” I hear you ask. “Is he being ironic?” you wonder, even as you congratulate yourself on your unintentional joke.
So you religiously read Vogue, Elle, Leacock’s, and every other literary powerhouse in the fashion world.
Your sartorial choices are more than adequate, but something’s missing. As you walk down the street, there’s a profound sense of misplacement and loss. Something’s terribly wrong: no one is paying you any attention.
You’ve probably passed by tailor shops before, and had an inexplicable urge to go in. But something held you back. What exactly are you supposed to do? What can you get tailored? And isn’t it going to be awfully expensive?
Look no further for your answers! After this FAQ, you’ll be strutting into all the tailors in Montreal like you own the damn place.
“The New 52″ is perhaps DC Comics’ most ambitious project event: a complete revamp, reboot and relaunch of all superhero titles. Cultural icons Superman, Batman and other superheroes have all been given a blank slate, making it the perfect time for someone to start reading comics.
Not only have histories been reset, but most heroes have been given new costumes. Here are some of DC’s biggest icons’ new looks, and what they’re doing right and wrong.
So your hair’s getting long again.
Oh god, your hair’s getting long again. And that means a visit to the hair salon.
The second you walk in, a wave of perm chemicals and shampoo hits you right in the nose. Your face freezes in horror as you realize you’ve just repeated the most terrible mistake of your life again. It’s too late to leave now; everyone’s already staring at you.
Let’s face it: you’re a man’s man. Your fashion style is completely masculine and timeless. If it was good enough for JFK, it’s good enough for you. You don’t want anything fancy. You just want a clean cut. You want a quick trim that’s manly and neat, straight out of Mad Men. You want the ladies to know you mean business.
The first pair of raw denim jeans I ever owned, I made the mistake of dropping toothpaste on. I didn’t know what I was doing then, so I began to rub at it with some warm water and soap.And that was my mistake. I never wore those jeans again, because it forever looked like there was a large semen stain on my crotch.